Renewal and Reset

In two days, it will have been a year since my last pregnancy ended unexpectedly. I was alone when it started, on a trip for work, and freaking out. This baby was a surprise to both me and my husband, but welcomed nonetheless. Six weeks and four days is when it ended. I hadn't even had my first appointment with my OBGYN. I hadn't seen the ultrasound of my little peanut baby.

Instead, I was in the emergency room in Lawton, OK with a staff who, I felt, was coldly indifferent to what was happening. To them, it was clinical. To me, it was a living nightmare. Initially diagnosed with an ovarian ectopic pregnancy (which it was not and highly unlikely to be), I was shuttled to the nearby OBGYN's office where the nurse asked "how many good pregnancies have I had" and the doctor tried to assure me that it was not my fault. Which is wasn't, but you try telling that to any mother who has lost their baby.

I made my arrangements to come home immediately and wasn't able to leave until April 10, 2014. I only prayed that the baby would stay put until I could get home where I wasn't alone. Bleeding and feeling the sharp pangs of cramps, essentially childbirth, I came home. My husband and I immediately went to my OBGYN where the doctor told me "Congratulations! You're still pregnant!"

But, I knew that it was a lie. There hadn't been a detectable heartbeat. Not in Lawton. Not in Huntsville.

On the way back from the doctor, I felt the baby come.

That was it. A life ended before it really could begin.

It was not my first time miscarrying one of my babies. I miscarried on July 30, 2009 at eight weeks. There are two now that are missing and I have comfort in the fact that those two in Heaven are together.

Fast forward a tumultuous 363 days and here I am. I've gained 15 pounds since then. I kind of gave up on going to the gym and watching what I ate. I struggled a lot with every cycle that didn't give me back my baby. I struggled a lot on December 1, 2014 (my EDD). Now, we aren't in a position to have more babies, but my heart ached because my hands were empty. I let my fitness and my health go.

But now, approaching the anniversary of this experience, I felt a need for renewal. For resetting my health and fitness. I'm finally ready.

And I'm doing that with the 24 Day Challenge from Advocare and Les Mills' classes at the gym.

The 24 Day Challenge comprises of two phases: Cleanse and Max Phases. In the Cleanse phase, we reset and prime the body for the nutrient absorption that is the focus of the Max Phase. Additionally, with a clean diet and NO COFFEE, it'll put me back on path to a clean diet. I'm replacing my coffee with the Spark energy drink and so far, on Day 1, today, I haven't missed it.

For exercise, I'm focusing on building up my cardio endurance with BodyStep, BodyCombat, and BodyAttack. And, I'm actually going to try to build up my muscles with BodyPump several times per week.

I don't think I'll be back to running until after Day 24, but I'm very excited to see where this road takes me!!